


and all that’s best of dark and bright

by lyzzard



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Scotty-centric, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyzzard/pseuds/lyzzard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He’s not resentful, just, perhaps, a little wistful, when he thinks about how much easier it would be for him to look at her like that; never having to question that what he feels might not be 'acceptable' somewhere else in the universe."</p>
            </blockquote>





	and all that’s best of dark and bright

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "She Walks in Beauty" by Lord Byron
> 
> This was a fic challenge on my Scotty RP blog on tumblr- I kind of intended it to be happier than it was and it's really not and I'm sorry.
> 
> Glynnis Campbell is a real character from TOS canon, though I manipulate her storyline enough that she's basically an Original Character in here.

He’s not really jealous of Spock.

Okay, he’s _really_ jealous of Spock.

But he doesn’t resent him, not at all. He can’t, really, not when he respects the Vulcan so much- and he’d never allow something so petty as unrequited love ruin the way his Silver Lady functions; with all of her senior officers trusting each other. He’s a professional, and he’s a realist. He knows Uhura will never want him as more than a friend, whether he pines after her or not.

And that’s _okay._

But sometimes, Scotty can’t help but think about it. Because Spock doesn’t always understand her, her whys and hows and reasons and the certain stubbornness she has- because she’s human and he’s not. And, really, the engineer gives him credit for trying (God, did Spock _try_ ), but it’s hard to think of that when he finds Nyota in an obscure corner of his engineering decks, her knees pulled up to her chest after the volcano. She's a sight to behold, hurt and strong and oh, so beautifully wounded, and he offers her a drink without thinking about it first, pulls her to her feet and forces her into his office where she can be comfortable and cry without judgment, because that, at least, she deserves, and that, at least, he can give her.

Scotty has five sisters, he knows there’s just as much bravery in shedding tears as holding them in when the ones you love are in danger, and he doesn’t begrudge her emotions, he understands them in the way Spock can’t.

He’d felt the same terror when he’d heard Sulu and Uhura were in distress- and that their commander was trapped in the volcano, he’d felt the fear of losing a friend- or more than one friend; and he’d felt the felt the terror of losing the voice over the comm cheerfully relaying orders, the easy companionship he’d felt when they talked with no expectations on either side, the simple self-assured way she could speak to the commander and captain and _know_ that they would listen. He’d feared for all of that when the mission had begun to go wrong. It isn’t hard to relate to her fear and her anger, and it isn’t hard to mutter softly that he understands and it’s just as easy to reach up and touch her back as she cries, moving in gentle circles, and it’s probably selfish that he doesn’t move her when she falls asleep against him, but he still doesn’t, and he’s still there, working diligently from his PADD to avoid having to move himself, and therefore her, when she stirs awake and leaps to her feet, apologizing profusely for her behavior, thanking him for his time, and rushing back out.

Scotty had only smiled and shaken his head, granted Nyota the whole of is department if she ever had need of it.

It’s hard to think that Spock is the better option when he still doesn’t understand what he did wrong, and Scotty had understood before she’d opened her mouth.

When they seem to have reconciled there’s no ache of disappointment in him, he’s a realist. He already knew that Spock valued what he had, doesn’t begrudge him that, never will.

Because sometimes Spock stares at her like she hung the moon, and that’s _exactly_ what she deserves.

He’s not resentful, just, perhaps, a little wistful, when he thinks about how much easier it would be for him to look at her like that; never having to question that what he feels might not be _acceptable_ somewhere else in the universe.

Scotty keeps that wistfulness locked tight, keeps it to himself when he comms Glynnis Campbell when he’s ordered to take a break from the repairs, asks her for a quick get-together to see how she’s doing. He’s not using her to get over Nyota (and he’s honest when he says that- because there _is_ no getting over Nyota, she’s there for an eternity and more and he’s accepted that) and he doesn’t expect more from her than the dinner.

When one dinner becomes five, and a cup of coffee about once a week, Scotty’s still just a tad wistful, even if he's happy.

Years later when he’s laughing at something Glynnis sends him- relayed through several stations and Nyota herself to get out here in the far black, he catches her smiling at him, and beams back. Sees her turn to Spock with that shine in her eyes that she could never give to another (Nyota’s not like that and he knows it, respects and loves that part of her to no end), he can’t help but daydream again, wonder again, what it would be like if it was he that Nyota looked at like that, if it was she that Scotty sent quick jokes and updates and thoughts of love to (certainly she’d get them faster than poor Glynnis, who had to wait months for his responses, and he for hers), and if it was they who held hands for mere seconds on the bridge, a short touch of reassurance that they are there together and always will be.

-

At the wedding he claps Spock on the back and declares him a lucky man.

-

When he leaves his Lady again, retired and ready to let the next cast of adventurers take over, and Spock is an Ambassador, Nyota has followed him, and Admiral Kirk is happy to be relieved of his post, seeking to do whatever good he can from the inside of Starfleet, he embraces Nyota as she cries for the times they all once shared, and he mourns it with her. Scotty watches it in the eyes of McCoy as he complains about his own admirality, claims to be glad he’s free of the darkness of space (he doesn’t remark upon lies his friend tells, it’s not really lying when he knows each one of them can see the truth), and he can see it in the eyes of Chekov and Sulu- they’ll be returning to the skies, but not with this crew anymore, even Spock seems withdrawn and mournful, long since having learned to trust them all with his emotions, though never able to shake his old habits.

None mourn as plainly as Kirk, who bares his heart outward for all of them, calling them ‘his crew’ with the same wide grin and prideful gleam in his eyes that he always has, even as is voice quakes with the things he isn’t saying—but they _all_ subtly wipe away tears between their laughter and their embraces and fond memories.

Yes, sometimes, even after so long, he wonders about what it would have been if it was he that Nyota stood next to, tall and proud even now, unbeaten by time and age, if he hadn’t been forced to choose between his love for space and love for his wife (because Nyota would never have asked him to, and Glynnis had never been able to live without knowing—he doesn’t blame her, though, it was a cruelty to ask it of her), and wonders what it would have been like if he hadn’t loved alone all these years.

He still isn’t resentful of Spock.

(He’s still _really_ jealous of him.)

He’s still a realist.

He’s still a little wistful, still wonders at pictures of her, at news she appears in, always with Spock at her side, still staring at her as if she hung the moon (he laughs when he realizes only they lucky few know what that look is—only they few can read emotion in the stoic face).

He still thinks fondly of her when the _Jenolan_ ’s systems begin to fail, smiling softly and apologetically as he and Matt Franklin begin to rig the transporter systems in an effort to remain alive.

Scotty’s so very glad he got to know her when he did, and he’s so very happy that she was always his friend, no matter if there was never anything more, no matter how much he secretly pined after her. Because that’s _okay,_ he got to be part of her life, even if it was only ever a small part.

The _Jenolan_ screeches its last, he and Matt exchange a short glance and a nod, the transporter systems seem to be stable. It begins to grow dark, consciousness fading.

Montgomery Scott smiles.


End file.
